i feel like i need a real kick at the minute. ive been caught up in the feeling that just simply surviving is enough work never mind actually doing anything. i think its that darn swansea influence again. there is so much i want to do but just have no motivation whatsoever to do anything and it makes me so mad! even the smallest things, i wanted to buy a new longboard so i could skate everywhere rather than drive. have i done it? nope. even cycling, thats so easy, but i still havent managed to unlock the bike from the back gate thats been sitting there for the last 9 months. join a boycott and stick to it. nope. no motivation to do that. have a fire. no. learn to speak spanish, no! when did i become so uninspired and unmotivated and just plain lazy? and it makes me mad at myself but not mad enough to actually get up and do anything. just studying and catching up with people, scraping money together to survive and 'thinking' about the things i should be doing seems like hard work, and at the end of a day of just sitting down and having a nice cup of tea seems like the most appealing thing. and even now im sitting here ranting about it instead of actually doing anything about it. ill head to the pub, being with people that are worse off than you always makes you fell better.